I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
