Just fell off a train. Bad.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
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You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
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I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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