Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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