I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
