beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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