party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
