hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
