he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?