No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.