I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize