just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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