Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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