You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
