We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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