Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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