The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
