Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
