...so i touched it.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
