I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
