i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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