barbara walters just said penis...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
