When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
