I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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