his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
