Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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