5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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