new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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