I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
