I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
