Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm too high and old for this...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
