new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
