hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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