Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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