So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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