Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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