I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
