If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
