so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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