After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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