1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
