I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
