I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
