Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My breath smells like gin and sadness
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
