Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
