Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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