Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
and you fell through a lawn chair
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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