I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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