have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
These tits shall not be calmed
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
