Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
