dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
