this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It's blow job season.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
