Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
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And the cops told us we were all naked.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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