no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
