What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
