It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
