He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
