Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
