She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
