I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
