Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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