oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You are the jesus of drinking
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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