I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
