Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
