we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
