Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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